April 24, 2009
I’ve been wanting to post for a while now. Just haven’t made the time, but I put it out on Facebook and MySpace that I would be posting today, so I felt like I needed to do that. I don’t know what to say though, my words are a jumbled mess right now. All I can think about is where I was a year ago today, and how much I miss my Momma.
The year has flown by, things have settled down, it doesn’t seem like a year has gone by, but it has. 365 days that I haven’t spoken with her. 12 months that I haven’t been able to hug her, or more importantly, to be hugged by her. There is something about a Mother’s love that cannot be described. I feel it with my own children, I hope they feel it from me. It’s in the knowing, the knowing that she was there for me, no matter what. She was safe, I could always call or go to her, and she would put her arms around me, and for those seconds, all was right in the world. What I wouldn’t give to be able to rest my head on her lap again and have her stroke my hair, telling me that she loved me, without even opening her mouth. I miss her so much. I just pray that I show my children each and every day how much I love them, like she did with me. I know my Mother wasn’t perfect, no one is, but she was as close to perfect as a human could ever come in my eyes, she loved me with everything in her, all my life, and I am so grateful to God for giving her to me for the first 35 years of my life.
I had more time with my Momma than she had with hers. My Grandma died before I was born, I believe my Momma was about 26 or so when she lost her Mother. I know how hard it was for her, but she kept on going, for my sister, and for me. She loved all of us with a true love, all of her kids. Jimmy, Clyde, Danny, Sheryl, Ricky, Shannon, Pam and me. I miss her so much. I always will, but I will also always be so grateful for the time I had, and for knowing how much she loved me, and what a life she had. It wasn’t always happy and wonderful, but she lived it to the fullest, and made a difference in people. People loved her, because she loved them.
There are so many specific memories I have, it’s always been interesting to me the way some things stick in our head, and we remember them like they were yesterday, and then other things remain more as an impression, a feeling or a sound or a smell. I remember being at the store with her, and I could always find her when she coughed, I knew that sound even as a small child, and could distinguish her in a crowd of people by it. Her laughter, her smile, they radiated love. I can also remember that look she would get when I did something not quite right, lol. I remember the feeling of her hugging me, and of her stroking my hair. I remember specific situations, the exact way it felt to think I had disappointed her, or upset her, and the relief that came with the knowing that she still loved me just as much. No, my Momma wasn’t perfect, but she was mine. I miss her every day, and this day is especially hard. But I rest in Jesus’ arms, knowing that she is with Him, and she is no longer sick, she can dance as she loved to, and she is in Heaven, waiting until one day I will see her again.
Hug your children, hug your parents, let them all know how very much they are loved.