Not sure…

Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior & my God. Psalm 42:5

Not sure what to write about tonight.  I could pick any one of several topics, and have even had a couple suggested to me, but I just can’t get my head around that right now.  I’m getting that panicky antsy feeling again.  The new medication is helping, but it’s not cutting all the irritability.  I just want to go to bed and sleep.  I haven’t felt this way all day, it’s snuck up on me really quickly tonight. 

I was ok earlier, I’ve been unmounting stamps all day, and have gotten quite a few done, 26 sets unmounted and stored.  Who knows how many more to go!  I’ve discovered that the easiest way to get the rubber off the foam is to put them in the freezer for about 20 minutes.  I read that in a post on Splitcoast Stampers, but I don’t remember the poster.  If it was you, thank you thank you thank you!  It has been so much easier than trying to microwave them!  Here is a quick picture of what my new storage system will be…

Unmounted storage basket - 26 sets in there!

All of a sudden though, I just started feeling really blah.  That’s the only way I know how to describe it, just blah.  Then irritability set in.  Once I realized what was happening, I had a mini panic attack.  Took an anxiety pill and I’m ok now, just feel tired.  Part of that is probably from the medication, the other part is probably because I’ve been up all day, and I mean since like 6:00 am.  I guess I’m just so worried about the possibility of a recurrence of what happened last month that it’s making me more anxious. 

B got a guitar today.  We are borrowing an acoustic from Donovan’s little sister for him to learn on for a bit, and once he’s had some lessons and is doing good, we are going to move to an electric.  Starting with baby steps though.  He’s over the moon excited about having one.  He had lessons a couple of years ago and didn’t last very long.  He says this time is different though because he wants to take the lessons, last time he just wanted to make someone else happy.  We shall see how long it lasts this time.

Bible study is tomorrow.  That will be so good.  I love the group of women that the Lord has put in my life.  They have been such a lifeline for me the past few months, it’s unreal.  I so look forward to each time we meet.  We are studying the Gospel of John this time, an inductive study, and I’m so looking forward to it.  I love getting into the Word, each time I read something I get a new message from God about what He is trying to tell me and teach me.  God’s Word is so alive.  I love doing topical studies, don’t get me wrong, but as someone once said to me, there is nothing like getting into the Word itself, not depending on what a teacher has written about and what they got from the Word, but totally depending on the Holy Spirit to move you and reveal God’s purpose for that verse at that particular time in your life.

I posted a verse at the top, which totally explains how I am feeling right now.  Downcast and worried.  I know though that I need to put my hope in God, for He is the One who can make it all better.  Praises to You Father for that!

in Him,

Trish

What was she thinking…

So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord call David’s enemies to account.”  And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself. – 1 Samuel 20:16-17

God has given me the most wonderful gifts of friends.  I am truly blessed!  My first and foremost bff is Jesus.  He is my all in all, my everything and the one I can turn to for anything.  Secondly I have my husband, who is truly the most important person in my life.  I know that I can tell Donovan anything and he loves me so much in spite of my human-ness.  Thirdly though, I have my “Lucy”, aka Dawn.

Dawn and I met at church.  We were in the same Sunday school class about 3 or 4 years ago.  I don’t know exactly when, so much has happened and time flies so fast!  She has 6 darling little girls, my one daughter is right in the middle of them.  Two of her girls are my A’s bff’s according to her.  We have so much in common.  She can talk to me on the phone and brighten my day, she can text me or im me and it’s like the clouds have lifted and it’s bright and sunny, it’s truly a blessing from God to have her in my life.

We weren’t always this close.  That happened about a year and a half, maybe two years ago.  You see, I almost blew it.  I had another friend, at least I thought she was a friend.  She had some problems that no one was aware of, including a drug problem, but we’ll get to that.  This other friend used me, and lied to me, and told me some horrible things about Dawn, and to my shame, I believed her.  So when money started coming up missing during our stampin’ events, I was conditioned to blame Dawn.  I even spoke to our pastor about it, not knowing what to do, Dawn is my Stampin’ Up! downline, and I felt responsible.  I couldn’t imagine this other person being the one to take the money, after all, she was at my house all the time, she watched my children during the summer, I couldn’t fathom how someone I trusted so explicitly would be that kind of person.  I guess I always had my doubts about her, but being the trusting person I am, I just couldn’t imagine her doing it.  It wasn’t until a blatant mistake on her part that I actually believed that she had done it.  It took two other friends confronting me to make me realize that it was this other person, this so called friend, this woman that I had trusted who was stealing from our customers and other demos.  I was devastated, ashamed, remorseful, and so very hurt.  I had believed her lies, I had trusted her, and worst of all, I had taken what she had told me, and unwittingly spread false rumors about another person, who was completely innocent, my Lucy.  You see, I had talked to friends about what I thought was happening, and of course, even though you ask them to keep it in confidence, it gets talked about and spread around, we are human, that’s what we do.  I was devastated by this.  Dawn never waivered.  She never said anything negative to me, she never even acknowledged if she kenw it was me.  The Spirit really worked on my heart during this time, and I felt compelled to apologize to Dawn for what I had said and done, and the part I had played in this whole drama.  It was at a jewelry party that I found the nerve to speak to her about it.  I tried so hard not to cry, I wanted to be strong, but I believe that some tears slipped through.  I just told her how sorry I was for what I had said and done, for believing this other person, and for any hurt I had caused her and her family.  Being the beautiful woman of Christ that she is, she simply hugged me and said she forgave me.  What???  I was so moved, still am really.  I am awed by her beautiful spirit.  I was forgiven, truly in the spirit of  love and of Christ.  It took me a while to accept that forgiveness, I couldn’t fathom how she could just say she let it go, and really let it go.  People don’t do that, people don’t really forgive and forget, that’s a God thing.  But she did, she did.

Dawn has watched my children, she has come to my aid in the middle of the night when I was having anxiety attacks, she has visited me in the hospital in my darkest hours, she has held me as I cried and wanted to run away from my life, she has convinced me that I am worth the life God has given me.  We’ve laughed together, cried together, really really lived as friends.  She is my Jonathan, she is my *bff*, she is my angel here on earth, she is one of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me.  She has shown me the true meaning of grace, love, friendship, and honesty.  I know that I can call her at anytime, and she will be there for me, in spirit if she isn’t able to be here physically.  Our friendship has survived me moving across the country, it has survived so much, I know that we will be the little old ladies at a Women of Faith event bouncing up and down and praising Jesus for what wonderful lives we’ve lived and the friendship He has gifted us with in each other. 

We’ve never spoken a covenant with each other, never made an oath or any such thing.  We’re not blood sisters or any of that stuff from jr. high and high school, but I know that there is a covenant between us, stronger than blood, it is a covenant of friendship that is based on our love for Christ, and what He has done for us.  What could be better than that?

in Him,

Trish aka “Ethel”

Oh, why Lucy and Ethel you ask?  Well, when Dawn signed up as my Stampin’ Up! downline, her hubby said we were like Lucy and Ethel, always coming up with one scheme or another.  ;o)  It stuck, what can I say, I’ll always be the Ethel to her Lucy, and she’ll always be the Lucy to my Ethel.  It’s just how we roll!  ;o)

Bella…

I got my first Bella stamps a while back, but couldn’t post pics of the card(s) I’ve made because they were for someone in particular, and I didn’t want her to see it!  I’ve also been using digi-stamps, and am loving the artwork of Dustin Pike, his cartoons are so adorable.  Same story though, card was for someone in particular and I didn’t want the surprise to be spoiled!  But they’ve both received them, so now I can post them for you…

The colored papers are by stampin’ up!(c) but the images are colored using my copic markers!  Don’t worry, the next one I post I will be more specific with colors and what not, but for now, I’m outta here!  Enjoy the pics!

How much is too much?

How do you know when you have enough of something, or too much of it?  Is there a simple line to draw and say, “OK, I have enough now, thank you very much!”, or do we simply keep on collecting things until we eventually run out of room?  I have a love affair with “stampin’ stuff”.  I believe I might be addicted to having more stuff.  I think I have lots of addictions though, food, soda, stampin’ stuff, and many more I’m sure.  Does that make me an addictive personality?  I don’t know.  I do know that addiction runs through both sides of my family.  I’ve always stayed clear of alcohol and drugs, knowing the addictive type of personality that runs in my family.  Food though, is another story, you’ve got to eat, right?  It’s hard to say that you are addicted to food, but I think it’s one of the hardest things to be addicted to.  It’s not like you can just say I’ll never eat again, you HAVE to eat.  Of course, you don’t have to eat chocolate, or ice cream, or fast food, or drink soda.  You can choose to eat healthier things, drink water, enjoy fresh fruit and veggies, make wise decisions as it were.  That is what I’m trying to do.  I’m trying to make wise decisions, for my health, for my children’s health, and for our future.  I want to be here with my husband for a long time, and I need to get myself in check if I am going to do that.  So, to that end, I got up this morning, and got on the elliptical machine.  I didn’t last very long, but it’s all in baby steps, right?  I ate my special k cinnamon pecan, awesome cereal, for breakfast, and had a grilled chicken salad for lunch.  This afternoon B and I made a fruit salad.  Oranges, apples, grapes and strawberries.  We left the bananas out this time.  A & B had pineapple and fresh cherries in theirs too.  Wise choices, that’s what I can do.  The rest, it’s up to God, and I know He won’t let me down, if I do my part, He will do the rest.

This post started out about stuff, then kind of went off on a tangent, sorry about that.  Back to my original thought, how much stuff is too much stuff?  How do you know when you have enough?  When do you just decide that enough is enough and be happy with the things God has blessed you with?  I’m struggling with that right now.  I have so much paper-crafting *stuff*.  I have tons of stamp sets, ink pads, markers, ribbons galore, paints, glittery stuff, brads, eyelets, rhinestones, scissors,   powders,  you name it and I’ve probably got it.  I could start my own store!  But the thing that’s bugging me is that I still want more.  I feel at times like Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!  I’m impatient, I want new toys to play with, when I don’t play nearly enough with the toys I have.  Another thing I have a ton of is books, I have read every book I have, well, not counting the Bible studies I haven’t done yet or all the translations I have of the Bible, haven’t read through all those yet.  I plan to one day, but I digress, again… When does a person simply say enough is enough and let go of that incessant need to have more things.  I so want to be there, I desire so deep within my heart and soul to just let go of my stuff and just be, just enjoy who God made me to be.  I’ve become so wrapped up in having this stuff, that I think it’s detracting from who I am.  I am becoming defined by my stuff, and I don’t want that.  So, to that end, I am on a budget for one, which I’ve never really had before when it came to those things.  I get a certain amount of money each pay period that I can use however I choose.  Secondly, I’m really becoming much more discriminating on what I buy.  I dont’ just rush out and buy the newest toy or newest Bible just because it’s new and I want it.  I am praying about what is the right thing to do.  How can I use this to further the Kingdom of God, how will this help me to grow in Christ.  If I can’t find answers that satisfy those questions, then I really don’t need it. 

I don’t know what is harder, eating healthier or trying to be more stuff healthy.  Either way, only through the Grace of God can I accomplish any of them…

in Him,

Trish

A funny thing…

Depression is a funny thing.  Two weeks ago I was so down.  I was ready to throw in the towel, I wanted God to take me home.  I didn’t want to play this game called life anymore.  Fortunately, God has other plans.  Thanks to my hubby’s determination I saw the doc, got a med change, went about my life, one day, sometimes one minute at a time, and mostly, I prayed. 

Prayer is a funny thing.  We don’t always get immediate answers, sometimes, God doesn’t answer at all, sometimes He just quietly sits and listens, letting us find our own answers.  Other times, He gently tells us that He loves us so much, and He wants us to just let go and let Him take it all on for us.  Then again, at other times, He can be quite direct and blunt, telling us in no uncertain terms that He wants something different for us, and after all, He is God, so He knows best.  No matter how He answers though, He always loves us, of that I am absolutely certain. 

Life as a whole is a funny thing.  I think the writer of Forrest Gump said it best, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”  You don’t really.  Sometimes we think we do, we think, or at least I think, that I have it all figured out.  Things are going to happen a certain way, and then, Kaboom!!!!  The bottom falls out of my plans, or I trip and land on my face, or sometimes, it even feels like someone has kicked me in the back of the knee, causing me to fall.  The thing is though, no matter what causes me to stumble and fall, God is right there, loving me, and urging me on.

Lots of things are funny, but then again, isn’t laughter the best medicine?  Go giggle, and thank God for the gift of laughter and humor!

in Him,

Trish

Didja know?

Did you know that it takes exactly one tablespoon of peanut butter to get a chewed up bubblegum ball out of a 10 year old’s hair?  Did you also know that it takes approximately 3 washes using Herbal Essences Simply Straight Shampoo to get one tablespoon of peanut butter out of a 10 year old’s hair?  And that it will still smell like peanut butter, but mixed with a pleasant fruity smell?  No?  Well, I’m happy to have educated you tonight, if you did, count yourself lucky that you knew this without having to gain first hand knowledge through experience!

in Him,

Tricia

Quick Note…

I’m still getting settled here into wordpress, and getting my links together for my blogroll and craft links. If you would like to be listed, just leave me a comment or shoot me an e-mail (bloglink@freetodance.com) and I’ll be happy to list you…
in Him,
Tricia

A few cards…

I haven’t posted any new cards in quite a while, you can see some of my previous work at www.stampinprincess.com, that blog will be coming down soon though, as I am combining both of my blogs into one.  Anywho, here are some examples of some recent work I’ve completed…

Allison’s Bear Card

A made this card using a kit from HeartString Designs that we got at the Creating Keepsakes Convention.  She tweaked it some, and I have to say it’s not her best work, but she did it all herself!

Bookmark

This is a bookmark I made using the Stampin’ Up!(c) set Fifth Avenue Floral and the Our Daily Bread Designs Scripture Collections Sets.  The flowers are watercolored, then outlined with a glue pen, and sprinkled with dazzling diamonds glitter.  The colors used are both Stampin’ Up!(c) Pink Pirouette and Basic Gray.  The ribbon is pink organza and Basic Gray Taffeta ribbon.

You Cured Yet?

This card is made using the retired Stampin’ Up!(r) set Farm Fever.  I used a cuttlebug embossing folder on the Real Red panel and the white card base.  It also uses Stampin’ Up!(c) Prints Designer Series Paper in Real Red.  I colored the image with Prismacolor Pencils and then used the Gamsol technique.  I love the way that this technique turns out!  The ribbon is black gingham.

Upsy Daisy in Pink and Chocolate, Outside

This card uses the Stampin’ Up!(c) set Upsy Daisy (111710).  It uses Pink Pirouette and Chocolate Chip paper, Pink Pirouette Classic Ink, and Tim Holtz Walnut Stain Distress Ink.  I used the Big Shot Machine and the Top Note Die to cut the main image out, then used the corner rounder punch and the round tab punch for the sentiment.  The ribbon is Pink Pirouette and Chocolate Chip Grosgrain.

Pink Shimmery Pretties

This card uses Shimmery White Cardstock, pink patterned paper from somewhere (sorry, don’t remember where it came from) and white organdy ribbon.  I used the Stampin’ Up!(c) pretties kit and painted the flowers with Bubble Gum Shimmerz!  I love this product, it’s so versatile and I adore the way it shines!  The center of the flowers are clear rhinestone brads.  The sentiment is from the Our Daily Bread Designs Scripture Collection Sets.  Also, the edges of the patterned paper are punched using the scallop edge punch.

Masked Scripture

This card is made using the Our Daily Bread Designs Scripture Collection Sets.  If you look closely at the focal image you can see where I placed a mask from Tim Holtz and sponged over it in Baja Breeze and Chocolate Chip Classic Ink from Stampin’ Up!(c).  The bottom of the card is the Stampin’ Up!(c) Parisian Breeze Specialty paper.  It is so wonderful to use, it is almost like a fabric paper.  I also used Flower Fusion Too felt flowers in Chocolate Chip and Baja Breeze as accents, with Pewter Brads in the center.  The edge of the Chocolate Chip paper is punched with my Martha Stewart edge punch, I apologize for not knowing the name.I hope you’ve enjoyed this glimpse of some of my recent artwork.  I have a few other cards to post, but they are being sent to people and I don’t want to spoil the surprise.  I’ll get them posted once I know they have reached their destination.  I also will post more frequently so that there isn’t a giant post like this!  )

 

in Him,

Tricia

Bittersweet…

Mother’s Day is bittersweet for me this year.  It was a year ago on Mother’s Day that we buried my mom’s ashes.  It was a lovely day, bright and sunshiney, and we had a family picnic out at the church in the country, after we had a small prayer service for her, just family.  It was beautiful and she would have loved it.  There are so many wonderful memories I have of my Momma, she was such a special person.  Funny memories, not so funny memories, and just sweet memories.  I treasure them, I hope that I am making wonderful memories like she made for me with my children.  We spent an hour or so today just going through old pictures, laughing, crying, and smiling.  I can see little bits of her in each of my children.  I know that as long as she is remembered we will always have little bits of her with us, and I’m so glad that I know one day I will see her again, and she won’t be sick, she will be dancing and singing in His glory!  If you’re interested, here are a few pics of her and of me and the kids…   

The first one was when she was little, I can sooo see Allison in this picture!  The second picture is of me, my sister and Momma and it was either a Mother’s Day or Easter, I’m not sure which.  Third is a picture of me, my sister, Momma and my nephew, it was taken in the summer of 1992 when I came to Texas to visit from Vegas.  The fourth picture is one of the last pictures, possibly the last one, of the group of us, me, my sister, Momma and my aunt, it was taken in the summer of 2007 when we went to Oklahoma for my great-aunt and great-uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary.  The last picture is the only one I could find of me with all three kids.  I don’t like having my picture taken, so they are rare.  It was taken in 2001 at Halloween.  I was a green m&m, if you weren’t sure what I was supposed to be.  That was when I had chopped my hair off short, I’m thinking of doing it again.  Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the pics, and I’m praying that all of you Mothers have a blessed day today!

in Him,

Tricia

Wow…

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks for me.  As you might know, April 24th was the one year anniversary of my mom going home to be with the Lord.  It was a hard week.  The week after that, I had a couple of anxiety type attacks, not good.  As I think I’ve mentioned before, I struggle with clinical depression and post traumatic stress disorder as well as generalized anxiety disorder.  I got in to see my family doc pretty quickly, but since he does not provide my primary psychiatric care he was a little hesitant to make any major changes.  He put me back on Abilify and gave me Ativan for the anxiety.  I see the psychiatrist on the 14th, so that is good.  I had another episode last night, my poor husband has the patience of a saint.  He loves me so very much and is just always there to hold me and support me, pray over me and just care for me.  God truly blessed me.  The good news is that I’ve not needed to go to the hospital, which was a big fear for me as the anxiety began to take over.  Don’t get me wrong, psychiatric hospitals aren’t horrible prison like places by any means, but the idea of being away from my family for a week or more again just doesn’t sound like my ideal vacation, unless of course it included a field trip to DisneyLand or DisneyWorld, then I’m all over it!  ;o)

Anyway, I didn’t mean to ramble on so much about that!  I have lots more exciting and fun news to share!  First off, as you might have noticed I’ve moved my blog from blogger to wordpress.  There were some issues with my e-mail address when I tried to have my blogger address point to just freetodance.com so after some research I decided to move over here.  If you aren’t familiar with my story, or just need a refresher you can visit www.iamfreetodance.blogspot.com and read my archives.  I hope to eventually move them over here, but there are some technical issues with blogger and importing to wordpress, so for now it will stay there.  Hopefully the wordpress tech folks or blogger tech folks will figure it out soon and I’ll be able to delete the blogspot blog.  Anyway…

Other news, I’m going to be getting rid of my Stampin’ Princess blog too, and just go to one blog that will cover all aspects of me and my life.  In other stampin’ news, I’m also no longer going to be a Stampin’ Up!(c) Demonstrator.  I’m sad about that, but since our move I just haven’t had any luck in finding customers.  There are also a lot of other things going on that I just don’t have time to get out and try to find customers.  I’ve also started to expand my horizons as far as crafting goes.  I’ve discovered some great stamp companies that have awesome stamps that are nothing like what Stampin’ Up!(c) carries, and I like them.  I’m also branching out with what types of supplies I use, copic markers, stickles, stencils, glimmer mist, shimmerz, all kinds of wonderful products that SU! just doesn’t carry.  I will probably always use SU! ink and paper, the quality is just awesome and I love that the colors all match so perfectly, but there are other companies out there that I want to play with too.  I guess I’m just outgrowing Stampin’ Up!(c) and while that makes me a little sad, I’m also so excited about this whole world of papercrafting I’ve discovered is out there!

Summer semester starts on the 11th of May.  My first class will be Humanities, followed by Christian Counseling starting in June.  I’ve been thinking of changing my major from Psychology / Christian Counseling to Religion/Christian Counseling, but I haven’t had time to call the school and talk to a counselor about that yet.  In case you didn’t know I am a Distance Learning student at Liberty University based in Lynchburg, Virginia.  I transferred there because it is a Christian school, and because of the Christian Counseling programs they offer.  Since my end goal is to work with women in counseling situations and hopefully womens ministry it seemed a better fit.

One last thing before I go for now, could you please be in prayer for a few things for me?  One is my anxiety/depression/ptsd.  As I mentioned above, it is getting bad again, and I need the Lords covering and hands upon me for that more than ever.  Secondly is my brother.  He had surgery a while back to remove some melanomas, but they have come back, and this time have spread and he is at stage four.  I’m not sure of his relationship with God, so I would appreciate both prayers for his healing and for his relationship with God, along with courage for me to talk to him about this.  Thirdly, and I apologize for not being very specific, but I have another possible health issue, and would appreciate your prayers for that as well.  I don’t want to be too specific until I know more.  It’s kind of weird, there *could* be an issue, but it *could* just be nothing.  I have tests scheduled for June 3rd and hopefully will know more after that and will give you all an update then.  Thanks for reading this far, and for your prayers!

in Him – Trish