How much is too much?

How do you know when you have enough of something, or too much of it?  Is there a simple line to draw and say, “OK, I have enough now, thank you very much!”, or do we simply keep on collecting things until we eventually run out of room?  I have a love affair with “stampin’ stuff”.  I believe I might be addicted to having more stuff.  I think I have lots of addictions though, food, soda, stampin’ stuff, and many more I’m sure.  Does that make me an addictive personality?  I don’t know.  I do know that addiction runs through both sides of my family.  I’ve always stayed clear of alcohol and drugs, knowing the addictive type of personality that runs in my family.  Food though, is another story, you’ve got to eat, right?  It’s hard to say that you are addicted to food, but I think it’s one of the hardest things to be addicted to.  It’s not like you can just say I’ll never eat again, you HAVE to eat.  Of course, you don’t have to eat chocolate, or ice cream, or fast food, or drink soda.  You can choose to eat healthier things, drink water, enjoy fresh fruit and veggies, make wise decisions as it were.  That is what I’m trying to do.  I’m trying to make wise decisions, for my health, for my children’s health, and for our future.  I want to be here with my husband for a long time, and I need to get myself in check if I am going to do that.  So, to that end, I got up this morning, and got on the elliptical machine.  I didn’t last very long, but it’s all in baby steps, right?  I ate my special k cinnamon pecan, awesome cereal, for breakfast, and had a grilled chicken salad for lunch.  This afternoon B and I made a fruit salad.  Oranges, apples, grapes and strawberries.  We left the bananas out this time.  A & B had pineapple and fresh cherries in theirs too.  Wise choices, that’s what I can do.  The rest, it’s up to God, and I know He won’t let me down, if I do my part, He will do the rest.

This post started out about stuff, then kind of went off on a tangent, sorry about that.  Back to my original thought, how much stuff is too much stuff?  How do you know when you have enough?  When do you just decide that enough is enough and be happy with the things God has blessed you with?  I’m struggling with that right now.  I have so much paper-crafting *stuff*.  I have tons of stamp sets, ink pads, markers, ribbons galore, paints, glittery stuff, brads, eyelets, rhinestones, scissors,   powders,  you name it and I’ve probably got it.  I could start my own store!  But the thing that’s bugging me is that I still want more.  I feel at times like Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!  I’m impatient, I want new toys to play with, when I don’t play nearly enough with the toys I have.  Another thing I have a ton of is books, I have read every book I have, well, not counting the Bible studies I haven’t done yet or all the translations I have of the Bible, haven’t read through all those yet.  I plan to one day, but I digress, again… When does a person simply say enough is enough and let go of that incessant need to have more things.  I so want to be there, I desire so deep within my heart and soul to just let go of my stuff and just be, just enjoy who God made me to be.  I’ve become so wrapped up in having this stuff, that I think it’s detracting from who I am.  I am becoming defined by my stuff, and I don’t want that.  So, to that end, I am on a budget for one, which I’ve never really had before when it came to those things.  I get a certain amount of money each pay period that I can use however I choose.  Secondly, I’m really becoming much more discriminating on what I buy.  I dont’ just rush out and buy the newest toy or newest Bible just because it’s new and I want it.  I am praying about what is the right thing to do.  How can I use this to further the Kingdom of God, how will this help me to grow in Christ.  If I can’t find answers that satisfy those questions, then I really don’t need it. 

I don’t know what is harder, eating healthier or trying to be more stuff healthy.  Either way, only through the Grace of God can I accomplish any of them…

in Him,

Trish

Quick Note…

I’m still getting settled here into wordpress, and getting my links together for my blogroll and craft links. If you would like to be listed, just leave me a comment or shoot me an e-mail (bloglink@freetodance.com) and I’ll be happy to list you…
in Him,
Tricia

Bittersweet…

Mother’s Day is bittersweet for me this year.  It was a year ago on Mother’s Day that we buried my mom’s ashes.  It was a lovely day, bright and sunshiney, and we had a family picnic out at the church in the country, after we had a small prayer service for her, just family.  It was beautiful and she would have loved it.  There are so many wonderful memories I have of my Momma, she was such a special person.  Funny memories, not so funny memories, and just sweet memories.  I treasure them, I hope that I am making wonderful memories like she made for me with my children.  We spent an hour or so today just going through old pictures, laughing, crying, and smiling.  I can see little bits of her in each of my children.  I know that as long as she is remembered we will always have little bits of her with us, and I’m so glad that I know one day I will see her again, and she won’t be sick, she will be dancing and singing in His glory!  If you’re interested, here are a few pics of her and of me and the kids…   

The first one was when she was little, I can sooo see Allison in this picture!  The second picture is of me, my sister and Momma and it was either a Mother’s Day or Easter, I’m not sure which.  Third is a picture of me, my sister, Momma and my nephew, it was taken in the summer of 1992 when I came to Texas to visit from Vegas.  The fourth picture is one of the last pictures, possibly the last one, of the group of us, me, my sister, Momma and my aunt, it was taken in the summer of 2007 when we went to Oklahoma for my great-aunt and great-uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary.  The last picture is the only one I could find of me with all three kids.  I don’t like having my picture taken, so they are rare.  It was taken in 2001 at Halloween.  I was a green m&m, if you weren’t sure what I was supposed to be.  That was when I had chopped my hair off short, I’m thinking of doing it again.  Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the pics, and I’m praying that all of you Mothers have a blessed day today!

in Him,

Tricia

Wow…

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks for me.  As you might know, April 24th was the one year anniversary of my mom going home to be with the Lord.  It was a hard week.  The week after that, I had a couple of anxiety type attacks, not good.  As I think I’ve mentioned before, I struggle with clinical depression and post traumatic stress disorder as well as generalized anxiety disorder.  I got in to see my family doc pretty quickly, but since he does not provide my primary psychiatric care he was a little hesitant to make any major changes.  He put me back on Abilify and gave me Ativan for the anxiety.  I see the psychiatrist on the 14th, so that is good.  I had another episode last night, my poor husband has the patience of a saint.  He loves me so very much and is just always there to hold me and support me, pray over me and just care for me.  God truly blessed me.  The good news is that I’ve not needed to go to the hospital, which was a big fear for me as the anxiety began to take over.  Don’t get me wrong, psychiatric hospitals aren’t horrible prison like places by any means, but the idea of being away from my family for a week or more again just doesn’t sound like my ideal vacation, unless of course it included a field trip to DisneyLand or DisneyWorld, then I’m all over it!  ;o)

Anyway, I didn’t mean to ramble on so much about that!  I have lots more exciting and fun news to share!  First off, as you might have noticed I’ve moved my blog from blogger to wordpress.  There were some issues with my e-mail address when I tried to have my blogger address point to just freetodance.com so after some research I decided to move over here.  If you aren’t familiar with my story, or just need a refresher you can visit www.iamfreetodance.blogspot.com and read my archives.  I hope to eventually move them over here, but there are some technical issues with blogger and importing to wordpress, so for now it will stay there.  Hopefully the wordpress tech folks or blogger tech folks will figure it out soon and I’ll be able to delete the blogspot blog.  Anyway…

Other news, I’m going to be getting rid of my Stampin’ Princess blog too, and just go to one blog that will cover all aspects of me and my life.  In other stampin’ news, I’m also no longer going to be a Stampin’ Up!(c) Demonstrator.  I’m sad about that, but since our move I just haven’t had any luck in finding customers.  There are also a lot of other things going on that I just don’t have time to get out and try to find customers.  I’ve also started to expand my horizons as far as crafting goes.  I’ve discovered some great stamp companies that have awesome stamps that are nothing like what Stampin’ Up!(c) carries, and I like them.  I’m also branching out with what types of supplies I use, copic markers, stickles, stencils, glimmer mist, shimmerz, all kinds of wonderful products that SU! just doesn’t carry.  I will probably always use SU! ink and paper, the quality is just awesome and I love that the colors all match so perfectly, but there are other companies out there that I want to play with too.  I guess I’m just outgrowing Stampin’ Up!(c) and while that makes me a little sad, I’m also so excited about this whole world of papercrafting I’ve discovered is out there!

Summer semester starts on the 11th of May.  My first class will be Humanities, followed by Christian Counseling starting in June.  I’ve been thinking of changing my major from Psychology / Christian Counseling to Religion/Christian Counseling, but I haven’t had time to call the school and talk to a counselor about that yet.  In case you didn’t know I am a Distance Learning student at Liberty University based in Lynchburg, Virginia.  I transferred there because it is a Christian school, and because of the Christian Counseling programs they offer.  Since my end goal is to work with women in counseling situations and hopefully womens ministry it seemed a better fit.

One last thing before I go for now, could you please be in prayer for a few things for me?  One is my anxiety/depression/ptsd.  As I mentioned above, it is getting bad again, and I need the Lords covering and hands upon me for that more than ever.  Secondly is my brother.  He had surgery a while back to remove some melanomas, but they have come back, and this time have spread and he is at stage four.  I’m not sure of his relationship with God, so I would appreciate both prayers for his healing and for his relationship with God, along with courage for me to talk to him about this.  Thirdly, and I apologize for not being very specific, but I have another possible health issue, and would appreciate your prayers for that as well.  I don’t want to be too specific until I know more.  It’s kind of weird, there *could* be an issue, but it *could* just be nothing.  I have tests scheduled for June 3rd and hopefully will know more after that and will give you all an update then.  Thanks for reading this far, and for your prayers!

in Him – Trish

Missing…

I’ve been wanting to post for a while now. Just haven’t made the time, but I put it out on Facebook and MySpace that I would be posting today, so I felt like I needed to do that. I don’t know what to say though, my words are a jumbled mess right now. All I can think about is where I was a year ago today, and how much I miss my Momma.

The year has flown by, things have settled down, it doesn’t seem like a year has gone by, but it has. 365 days that I haven’t spoken with her. 12 months that I haven’t been able to hug her, or more importantly, to be hugged by her. There is something about a Mother’s love that cannot be described. I feel it with my own children, I hope they feel it from me. It’s in the knowing, the knowing that she was there for me, no matter what. She was safe, I could always call or go to her, and she would put her arms around me, and for those seconds, all was right in the world. What I wouldn’t give to be able to rest my head on her lap again and have her stroke my hair, telling me that she loved me, without even opening her mouth. I miss her so much. I just pray that I show my children each and every day how much I love them, like she did with me. I know my Mother wasn’t perfect, no one is, but she was as close to perfect as a human could ever come in my eyes, she loved me with everything in her, all my life, and I am so grateful to God for giving her to me for the first 35 years of my life.

I had more time with my Momma than she had with hers. My Grandma died before I was born, I believe my Momma was about 26 or so when she lost her Mother. I know how hard it was for her, but she kept on going, for my sister, and for me. She loved all of us with a true love, all of her kids. Jimmy, Clyde, Danny, Sheryl, Ricky, Shannon, Pam and me. I miss her so much. I always will, but I will also always be so grateful for the time I had, and for knowing how much she loved me, and what a life she had. It wasn’t always happy and wonderful, but she lived it to the fullest, and made a difference in people. People loved her, because she loved them.

There are so many specific memories I have, it’s always been interesting to me the way some things stick in our head, and we remember them like they were yesterday, and then other things remain more as an impression, a feeling or a sound or a smell. I remember being at the store with her, and I could always find her when she coughed, I knew that sound even as a small child, and could distinguish her in a crowd of people by it. Her laughter, her smile, they radiated love. I can also remember that look she would get when I did something not quite right, lol. I remember the feeling of her hugging me, and of her stroking my hair. I remember specific situations, the exact way it felt to think I had disappointed her, or upset her, and the relief that came with the knowing that she still loved me just as much. No, my Momma wasn’t perfect, but she was mine. I miss her every day, and this day is especially hard. But I rest in Jesus’ arms, knowing that she is with Him, and she is no longer sick, she can dance as she loved to, and she is in Heaven, waiting until one day I will see her again.

Hug your children, hug your parents, let them all know how very much they are loved.

Adventures…

It’s been a crazy few weeks since Christmas around here. For more on that, go check out my husband’s blog at http://thesachsman.blogspot.com/. And feel free to link to it from your blogs if you want. )

It’s a God thing…

So, I’ve been struggling. I’ve felt so disconnected since we’ve moved, well, before that even. Just with everything going on, I haven’t made time for me to be close to God, and I’ve been feeling it. This weekend we tried out a different church than the one we’ve been attending since we got here. They have so many programs, and so many different groups, it seems like it might be a better fit for our family. We loved the service, it was awesome and such a great word. We filled out the first time visitors card, because well, we were first time visitors. One thing we checked off was interest in finding out more about their Women’s Ministry. So today I got a call from someone in their office who was just as sweet as she can be. We talked about the different groups and she’s going to have someone contact me from a couple of groups I’m interested in, they have a card making group, awesome, and a scrapbooking group, woohoo! They both meet monthly, which is awesome, and I can’t wait! Now, for the amazing part. They are also doing a Beth Moore Bible study on Tuesday nights. I’ve endevored to do a few Beth Moore studies, they’re awesome and so just amazing to participate in. I’ve never managed to make a whole one though, something always comes up or happens and I have to drop out. Well, the one they are working through right now is Believing God. I was so excited, because I really wanted to do that one, but didn’t even make it to the halfway point and something happened. So, she said she’d have the leader call me. I jumped off the phone and started digging around for my participant book and found it. I got through week 3 last time, that’s it. Week 3. I figured they’re probably already past that, but that’s ok, I’ll just start where they are and finish. Well, the leader called me within like 5 minutes and we talked. It was like talking to an old friend, she was so sweet and so nice. Then, she tells me, we just watched the week 3 video last week, and I burst into tears. I was so floored, is this not a work of God or what? This study is all about believing what God tells us, and I so need to remember to do that. Then, what does He do, but put me right at the perfect place at the perfect time. What an amazing God we serve!

Cooled off…

So it’s cooled off here in the desert. It’s gorgeous outside, cool in the mornings, highs of mid 80’s. I’m loving it! I keep expecting it to get hot again, but I’ve been assured that this is how it will be for a while, it will only get cooler before it gets hotter again. Hooray!

B had a rough morning today. He woke up crying, missing his dad. He asked me why they couldn’t go visit him last week. There was no school last week, it was fall break. How was I supposed to answer that? How am I supposed to comfort him when he hurts over that man like that. I think the bigger problem is that he called his dad on Saturday and never got a call back. Either way, I was at a loss as to how to comfort him through this. I just hugged him tight, assured him that we loved him, and told him I didn’t know why they couldn’t go last week, that we never talked about it, which is true as far as that goes. It hurts me so much when the kids hurt over things their dad does or doesn’t do. B was still crying when they left for school. This afternoon he’s bouncing off the walls, really hard too. I don’t know if it’s related or if it’s just a mood swing. That’s the thing with this disorder, you never know if it’s the disorder or if it’s just normal kid stuff.

Another thing, A learned about the Make A Wish foundation at school today. They are collecting pennies for them. She asked me if B would be eligible for a wish since he has bipolar disorder. I don’t know the answer to that. He got all excited about the idea of it though, so I might have to look further into this. Anyone have any insight?

Happy fall!

Twitter

Wow, I’ve just discovered Twitter, and I’m hooked! If you’ve never been there, you’ve got to go check it out, www.twitter.com and if you’re a mom and you like it, then go check out www.twittermoms.com I’m telling you, be prepared to be addicted though. If you sign up, make sure you follow me, and I’ll follow you too! )

Busy busy busy…

Wow! It’s crazy around here, and yet, I still find myself getting bored during the day. Hopefully that will end now that my stampin’ slump is over, or appears to be for now anyway. Don’t know what I mean? Head over to www.stampinprincess.com and see then!

Now that I’ve shamelessly promoted my other blog, let me get back to the task at hand. Updating you on how life is going! My birthday just passed a week ago, I am officially halfway to 70 now! lol I had a wonderful simple day that I loved! Donovan had to go in to work and D had stayed with a friend Friday night, so on my birthday (Saturday the 13th), A, B & I (isn’t that silly) went to breakfast! Then we ran a couple of simple errands, and I spent the rest of the day just relaxing! Donovan & A made me a heavenly cookies & cream birthday cake. It was so sweet to see the two of them working in the kitchen together! Then Donovan & B made dinner, yummy! Seafood Alfredo, and they did such a great job! D did the dishes, so I really did have the whole day off! Gotta love it! I got some great new stampin’ stuff, which you can see over at my other blog… leave a comment too if you want! Ok, I’ll stop with the commercials! lol

What else has been going on? Not a lot really. I’m settling into a routine with school. Oh, didn’t you know? I’m finally going to school, yay! My hope is that when I’m done, probably around the time A is done, I will be able to help other women who have gone through what I went through with my first marriage. Check posts from last October and coming up this October for more info on that!

We’re all settling in, B has met both his Psychiatrist and Psychologist, and likes both. Donovan & I are very pleased with both of them as well. I’ve met with my therapist several times, she is awesome I must say! I still miss Marnie & Christy though! No offense Bobbi! tee hee! Anyway, she has given me homework a couple of times, tough stuff too I must say! Well, tough for me anyway. It’s making a difference though, and that’s what counts.

Next month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I’m going to try to pick up where I was blogging last year, and see if I can give more information and hopefully understanding to those who don’t have a clear picture of what domestic violence is. I want my experiences to make a difference for someone else, please let me know if it does, or if you have specific questions for me, I’ll try to answer them as honestly and candidly as I can. Hope you’re having a great September!

Love,
Trish