Have you ever noticed that although you can see through plastic wrap, it distorts whatever is inside?  Things look crinkly, or funny when viewed through it.  When you look through glass, there is no distortion though, or if there is, I’ve never noticed it.  Well, through my glasses things are distorted, but in a good way!  ;o)

I’ve been thinking a lot about transparency lately.  What does it mean for a person to be transparent?  How are we to be that way?  As a Christian, shouldn’t I strive to be more like glass than plastic wrap?  When we go to church, do we put on our plastic faces, or are we like glass, sharing and showing what is really going on in our lives?  I’ve worn the plastic face before.  Most of us probably have.  We don’t want to admit our brokenness.  Our need for God.  So many people today seem to think that since they are a Christian, they must not show that they are human.  We almost seem to want to show everyone else how wonderful things are, even when we hurt.  We all hurt.  We’ve all got trials.  Why not share them with your brothers and sisters in Christ?

In order to be willing to share, a person must feel safe.  That they can share.  That they won’t be judged or looked down upon.  In order for that to happen, they have to know that other people are hurting too.  That other people are just as broken and challenged in they are.  Not necessarily in the same way, but in one way or another.  We know that the Bible tells us all people have sinned, all people fall short of the Glory of God. (Romans 3:23)  I cannot speak for everyone else, but I tend to forget that.  As humans, we see the outside, we do not see the heart of other people, but we should.  That is part of being transparent.  Seeing a person’s heart, but in order to see it, they must let you.  They must be transparent, opening themselves up to show one another what their problems and trials are.  How they fall short.  How they hurt, how they are broken.  That goes back to feeling safe with one another.  It’s a vicious cycle.  How can I trust you, if you don’t trust me, but how can you trust me if I don’t trust you, etc. etc. etc.  Someone has to start.

I’ll go first… I’m human, I hurt, I fail, I struggle.  If you’ve read my blog before, you know some of my trials… I was in an abusive relationship, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, my son struggles with bipolar disorder, my husband was very ill earlier this year.  There is more than that though.  I struggle with prayer, making time daily to go to the Lord with praise, with hurts, with needs, for others.  I try, but I don’t always succeed, that’s part of my humanness.  I struggle with food.  In my first marriage when my husband turned angry, I would eat.  Not just over-eat, but binge.  I would drive through a fast food place, get several burgers, eat them so fast it would make your head spin, then go home and eat dinner so that no one would know I had already eaten, and so much.  I struggle with my self image.  Am I good enough?  Do people look at me differently because I’m over-weight?  Does that matter?  I struggle with reading the Bible as I should, I’m lazy, I don’t always do what I know is right.  Sometimes I do things for the wrong reasons, not putting God first, but putting my own needs and desires before His.  I spend too much money, not being a good steward of what God has given me.

This post wasn’t intended to be a confession of all my faults, but to encourage others to be transparent, to go to their brothers and sisters in Christ, and ask for whatever help they need.  Whether it is prayer, friendship, finances, whatever it is you are struggling with, take it to the cross, and take it to your brothers and sisters.  Part of being a family is helping one another, lifting one another up, supporting one another, and being that safe place for one another.  Family should be the one place that we can turn, when it seems that no one will understand, for support and help.  We cannot help one another if we aren’t transparent.  If we always put on our plastic faces and don’t let anyone see who we really are, and what our needs are.  What are your needs, how can your brothers and sisters lift you up, support you, and love you as Christ does?

in Him,

Tricia

Truth, it is one of the most important things we have.  When you speak the truth, it frees you.  The ultimate Truth is Jesus Christ.  In the book of John Jesus says, “you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32.  Of course, Jesus was speaking to the Jews, about the Truth of God.  I think that all truth is important though, and freeing.  I believe we are freed from the past hurts in our lives by speaking the truth of them, and then letting them go.  That is what this post is about…

When I was a little girl, I was everybody’s baby.  Everyone spoiled me and loved me a great deal.  My family was and is truly a gift from God.  We were always so close and at Holidays, well, forget trying to find a place to sit, there were so many of us that the only place was the floor.  Of course, as people grow, things change, and that’s ok.  I miss the old days though, when we were always there for one another.  At least, that’s how it seemed to me when I was little.

As I got older, things changed, as they always do in life.  We moved, people got divorced, etc.  That’s ok too, it’s life.  God gives and He takes away.  God brings us to things to grow us and help us learn to rely only on Him for all our needs.  Since my divorce in 2001, and coming to Christ in 2003, that has been my focus, wholly relying on Him for everything.  I’ve learned that things we remember aren’t always what they seem though.  Beneath the happiness and love, there are often secrets and tears.  I have been the keeper of a secret, but it’s time to speak the truth and let it go.  I will not name names, I will not reveal more than I do here, so don’t ask.  While I might seem to be protecting the guilty party, I am really more protecting the rest of my family from hurting for something they had no control over, but might wish they would have.

There was a man in our family who I thought hung the moon.  I loved to go places with him.  He loved to take me places, at least, it seemed to me like he did.  I even wished at one point that he was my daddy, I thought he would have been a great daddy.  As I got older, he started to share things with me, things that at 8 or 9 years old, I didn’t need to know.  Things about his love for my mother, how he wished he could have married her instead of his wife.  He started telling me about love, and life, physical love, and life that is.  Let me step back for a minute to tell you something about me, since I was born, I have loved to be tickled.  Lightly, on my face, my feet, my back, I loved it.  When I was a baby and would cry, lightly tickling my face would calm me down almost instantly.  Everyone knew this, and everyone tickled me, it was just one of those things.  Well, this man would tickle me, and at one point, it got uncomfortable.  Not because it was physically uncomfortable, but I just didn’t feel comfortable with him touching me that way.  He assured me it was ok, but told me not to tell anyone, because they wouldn’t understand.  I didn’t want to make anyone mad, so I kept it to myself.  In 1984, he showed me the issue of Penthouse with Vanessa Williams in it.  I remember this so vividly.  I would have just turned 11 years old, because the issue was from September 1984.  I don’t know if I had ever seen pictures like that, not that I can remember.  Whenever he would take me places after that, I remember looking at the pictures.  One day, I was looking at them, when he walked in.  The unthinkable happened.  That was 25 years ago.

I never told anyone, until now.  No one.  I didn’t think anyone would believe me for one thing, for another, he loved me, therefore, he didn’t really mean to hurt me, there must have been something wrong with me to feel funny about it.  I don’t know if he ever loved any other young girls like he did me.  I pray not.  I do know that he is no longer in a position to hurt anyone.  I have struggled with keeping this secret, hiding this truth, for most of my life.  I realized in the past couple of months that the only person being hurt by hiding this truth is me.  I need to forgive him, and let go of the past, to be set free from it.  So I am.  I am speaking the truth, knowing that it will set me free from its hurt and control over me.  I am choosing to forgive him for the things he did to destroy my innocence and love.  I am clinging tightly to my Jesus, knowing that He is the Truth, and He truly sets me Free!!!

We have a chrome toaster.  Very pretty when we got it, so shiny!  I love shiny!  The thing is though, as it’s been used, it’s gotten not so shiny.  In fact, I discovered today that it has gotten just downright gross.  The chrome was coated in that greasy residue that somehow collects on things in the kitchen.  It’s filled with crumbs and gunk.  Just nasty.  I started to clean it first with a sponge, and that didn’t work very well.  I was all ready to just chunk it in the garbage, how on earth can something so nasty ever be clean again?  It’s been a good toaster, but maybe it’s time to move on, perhaps it’s just too dirty.  I decided to try a magic eraser as a last ditch effort to clean the toaster.  WOW!  I knew those things were good, but man!  The grease just came right off.  Didn’t take hardly any elbow grease.  I was amazed!  It’s like new!  So shiny again!  

As I was wiping the toaster dry, it hit me, that’s what Jesus does for us!  He wipes us clean!  He is like the ultimate magic eraser!  Then, something else hit me, I’m like this toaster!  Dirty, worn out, seemingly past it’s usefulness, then, along comes Christ!  I opened my heart to Him, and BAM!  He wiped all the gunk and dirt away!  That’s what He does for us!  He cleans us, making us good as new!  But, not really.  He does even more than that!  While the magic eraser cleaned the outside of the toaster great, I can’t get the inside with it.  It’s still full of crumbs.  Jesus even gets the insides of us clean!  He comes in and washes us pure, really, makes us better than we ever were, because He took our dirt and grime and grease and gunk on Himself at Calvary!  While the magic eraser is a great tool, it’s nothing compared to Jesus!  The toaster will get dirty again, and I’ll have to attack it with yet another magic eraser.  Jesus washes us clean once and for all times!  Our salvation through Him at the cross is complete.  We don’t have to go back to Him over and over for the same thing, it’s done.  When He said, “It is finished” He meant it.  It is finished, clean, never to be undone.  Once we make that transaction, accepting what He did for us, we are clean, in a way that is unimaginable!  What we must do is accept that.  The toaster doesn’t have a brain, it doesn’t know that it was once dirty.  We do.  We remember our failures, our dirt, our grime and grease.  He cleans us, wipes us shiny again, so to speak, outside and in, but we have to accept it.  The toaster does not have to accept it’s cleanliness or dirtiness, it just is.  We on the other hand, being capable of intelligent thought, sometimes anyway, remember it all.  We have to accept His washing away of our sludge and dirt.  Once we fully accept that, we can shine!

One last note, I noticed these markings on the side of the toaster as I was wiping it dry…

The ICTHUS on the side of the toaster...

What an amazing God we serve that He would use a toaster and a magic eraser to reinforce His amazing love for us!

Quiet time, do you make time for it?  I try, but I have to confess I’m not very good at it.  I want to, but *something* always seems to get in the way.  I need to be more disciplined.  God tells us to have quiet time, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”  Psalm 46:10  This is when I get refreshed, rejuvenated, feel drawn in and so close to God, when I get still, quiet, worshipful, and exalt Him.  The feeling of being on your face before the Lord in worship is indescribable.  I want that feeling all the time.  So then why do I let those *somethings* get in the way you ask?  Laziness, fear, business, pride, all of this and so much more.  It all comes down to the enemy though.  He wants to keep me from having that time.  He wants to keep me from worshipping my creator, sustainer, counselor, deliverer, my best friend.  If Satan can keep one Christian from their quiet time, with whatever excuse he provides and uses, then he will grab onto that and hold on for dear life.  I have strongholds, I know this.  I am not perfect, I don’t think I’m a good Christian, I don’t think anyone can claim that title, because we are all sinners and all fall short of perfection.  What I also know is that God wants to deliver me from those strongholds, if I will just do my part.  I have to fight against the enemy with all I have and all I am.  I have to put on the full armor of God as Paul says in Ephesians 6:11.  I must put on my armor, which I hope is pink and sparkly ;o), and fight against everything that would draw me away from my time with my Lord.  Can you do it too?  Can you take up your armor, whatever color yours is, and fight against the enemy and his forces?  I think you can, I will be praying for you, and with you…

in Him,

Tricia

Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior & my God. Psalm 42:5

Not sure what to write about tonight.  I could pick any one of several topics, and have even had a couple suggested to me, but I just can’t get my head around that right now.  I’m getting that panicky antsy feeling again.  The new medication is helping, but it’s not cutting all the irritability.  I just want to go to bed and sleep.  I haven’t felt this way all day, it’s snuck up on me really quickly tonight. 

I was ok earlier, I’ve been unmounting stamps all day, and have gotten quite a few done, 26 sets unmounted and stored.  Who knows how many more to go!  I’ve discovered that the easiest way to get the rubber off the foam is to put them in the freezer for about 20 minutes.  I read that in a post on Splitcoast Stampers, but I don’t remember the poster.  If it was you, thank you thank you thank you!  It has been so much easier than trying to microwave them!  Here is a quick picture of what my new storage system will be…

Unmounted storage basket - 26 sets in there!

All of a sudden though, I just started feeling really blah.  That’s the only way I know how to describe it, just blah.  Then irritability set in.  Once I realized what was happening, I had a mini panic attack.  Took an anxiety pill and I’m ok now, just feel tired.  Part of that is probably from the medication, the other part is probably because I’ve been up all day, and I mean since like 6:00 am.  I guess I’m just so worried about the possibility of a recurrence of what happened last month that it’s making me more anxious. 

B got a guitar today.  We are borrowing an acoustic from Donovan’s little sister for him to learn on for a bit, and once he’s had some lessons and is doing good, we are going to move to an electric.  Starting with baby steps though.  He’s over the moon excited about having one.  He had lessons a couple of years ago and didn’t last very long.  He says this time is different though because he wants to take the lessons, last time he just wanted to make someone else happy.  We shall see how long it lasts this time.

Bible study is tomorrow.  That will be so good.  I love the group of women that the Lord has put in my life.  They have been such a lifeline for me the past few months, it’s unreal.  I so look forward to each time we meet.  We are studying the Gospel of John this time, an inductive study, and I’m so looking forward to it.  I love getting into the Word, each time I read something I get a new message from God about what He is trying to tell me and teach me.  God’s Word is so alive.  I love doing topical studies, don’t get me wrong, but as someone once said to me, there is nothing like getting into the Word itself, not depending on what a teacher has written about and what they got from the Word, but totally depending on the Holy Spirit to move you and reveal God’s purpose for that verse at that particular time in your life.

I posted a verse at the top, which totally explains how I am feeling right now.  Downcast and worried.  I know though that I need to put my hope in God, for He is the One who can make it all better.  Praises to You Father for that!

in Him,

Trish

So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord call David’s enemies to account.”  And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself. – 1 Samuel 20:16-17

God has given me the most wonderful gifts of friends.  I am truly blessed!  My first and foremost bff is Jesus.  He is my all in all, my everything and the one I can turn to for anything.  Secondly I have my husband, who is truly the most important person in my life.  I know that I can tell Donovan anything and he loves me so much in spite of my human-ness.  Thirdly though, I have my “Lucy”, aka Dawn.

Dawn and I met at church.  We were in the same Sunday school class about 3 or 4 years ago.  I don’t know exactly when, so much has happened and time flies so fast!  She has 6 darling little girls, my one daughter is right in the middle of them.  Two of her girls are my A’s bff’s according to her.  We have so much in common.  She can talk to me on the phone and brighten my day, she can text me or im me and it’s like the clouds have lifted and it’s bright and sunny, it’s truly a blessing from God to have her in my life.

We weren’t always this close.  That happened about a year and a half, maybe two years ago.  You see, I almost blew it.  I had another friend, at least I thought she was a friend.  She had some problems that no one was aware of, including a drug problem, but we’ll get to that.  This other friend used me, and lied to me, and told me some horrible things about Dawn, and to my shame, I believed her.  So when money started coming up missing during our stampin’ events, I was conditioned to blame Dawn.  I even spoke to our pastor about it, not knowing what to do, Dawn is my Stampin’ Up! downline, and I felt responsible.  I couldn’t imagine this other person being the one to take the money, after all, she was at my house all the time, she watched my children during the summer, I couldn’t fathom how someone I trusted so explicitly would be that kind of person.  I guess I always had my doubts about her, but being the trusting person I am, I just couldn’t imagine her doing it.  It wasn’t until a blatant mistake on her part that I actually believed that she had done it.  It took two other friends confronting me to make me realize that it was this other person, this so called friend, this woman that I had trusted who was stealing from our customers and other demos.  I was devastated, ashamed, remorseful, and so very hurt.  I had believed her lies, I had trusted her, and worst of all, I had taken what she had told me, and unwittingly spread false rumors about another person, who was completely innocent, my Lucy.  You see, I had talked to friends about what I thought was happening, and of course, even though you ask them to keep it in confidence, it gets talked about and spread around, we are human, that’s what we do.  I was devastated by this.  Dawn never waivered.  She never said anything negative to me, she never even acknowledged if she kenw it was me.  The Spirit really worked on my heart during this time, and I felt compelled to apologize to Dawn for what I had said and done, and the part I had played in this whole drama.  It was at a jewelry party that I found the nerve to speak to her about it.  I tried so hard not to cry, I wanted to be strong, but I believe that some tears slipped through.  I just told her how sorry I was for what I had said and done, for believing this other person, and for any hurt I had caused her and her family.  Being the beautiful woman of Christ that she is, she simply hugged me and said she forgave me.  What???  I was so moved, still am really.  I am awed by her beautiful spirit.  I was forgiven, truly in the spirit of  love and of Christ.  It took me a while to accept that forgiveness, I couldn’t fathom how she could just say she let it go, and really let it go.  People don’t do that, people don’t really forgive and forget, that’s a God thing.  But she did, she did.

Dawn has watched my children, she has come to my aid in the middle of the night when I was having anxiety attacks, she has visited me in the hospital in my darkest hours, she has held me as I cried and wanted to run away from my life, she has convinced me that I am worth the life God has given me.  We’ve laughed together, cried together, really really lived as friends.  She is my Jonathan, she is my *bff*, she is my angel here on earth, she is one of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me.  She has shown me the true meaning of grace, love, friendship, and honesty.  I know that I can call her at anytime, and she will be there for me, in spirit if she isn’t able to be here physically.  Our friendship has survived me moving across the country, it has survived so much, I know that we will be the little old ladies at a Women of Faith event bouncing up and down and praising Jesus for what wonderful lives we’ve lived and the friendship He has gifted us with in each other. 

We’ve never spoken a covenant with each other, never made an oath or any such thing.  We’re not blood sisters or any of that stuff from jr. high and high school, but I know that there is a covenant between us, stronger than blood, it is a covenant of friendship that is based on our love for Christ, and what He has done for us.  What could be better than that?

in Him,

Trish aka “Ethel”

Oh, why Lucy and Ethel you ask?  Well, when Dawn signed up as my Stampin’ Up! downline, her hubby said we were like Lucy and Ethel, always coming up with one scheme or another.  ;o)  It stuck, what can I say, I’ll always be the Ethel to her Lucy, and she’ll always be the Lucy to my Ethel.  It’s just how we roll!  ;o)

I got my first Bella stamps a while back, but couldn’t post pics of the card(s) I’ve made because they were for someone in particular, and I didn’t want her to see it!  I’ve also been using digi-stamps, and am loving the artwork of Dustin Pike, his cartoons are so adorable.  Same story though, card was for someone in particular and I didn’t want the surprise to be spoiled!  But they’ve both received them, so now I can post them for you…

The colored papers are by stampin’ up!(c) but the images are colored using my copic markers!  Don’t worry, the next one I post I will be more specific with colors and what not, but for now, I’m outta here!  Enjoy the pics!

How do you know when you have enough of something, or too much of it?  Is there a simple line to draw and say, “OK, I have enough now, thank you very much!”, or do we simply keep on collecting things until we eventually run out of room?  I have a love affair with “stampin’ stuff”.  I believe I might be addicted to having more stuff.  I think I have lots of addictions though, food, soda, stampin’ stuff, and many more I’m sure.  Does that make me an addictive personality?  I don’t know.  I do know that addiction runs through both sides of my family.  I’ve always stayed clear of alcohol and drugs, knowing the addictive type of personality that runs in my family.  Food though, is another story, you’ve got to eat, right?  It’s hard to say that you are addicted to food, but I think it’s one of the hardest things to be addicted to.  It’s not like you can just say I’ll never eat again, you HAVE to eat.  Of course, you don’t have to eat chocolate, or ice cream, or fast food, or drink soda.  You can choose to eat healthier things, drink water, enjoy fresh fruit and veggies, make wise decisions as it were.  That is what I’m trying to do.  I’m trying to make wise decisions, for my health, for my children’s health, and for our future.  I want to be here with my husband for a long time, and I need to get myself in check if I am going to do that.  So, to that end, I got up this morning, and got on the elliptical machine.  I didn’t last very long, but it’s all in baby steps, right?  I ate my special k cinnamon pecan, awesome cereal, for breakfast, and had a grilled chicken salad for lunch.  This afternoon B and I made a fruit salad.  Oranges, apples, grapes and strawberries.  We left the bananas out this time.  A & B had pineapple and fresh cherries in theirs too.  Wise choices, that’s what I can do.  The rest, it’s up to God, and I know He won’t let me down, if I do my part, He will do the rest.

This post started out about stuff, then kind of went off on a tangent, sorry about that.  Back to my original thought, how much stuff is too much stuff?  How do you know when you have enough?  When do you just decide that enough is enough and be happy with the things God has blessed you with?  I’m struggling with that right now.  I have so much paper-crafting *stuff*.  I have tons of stamp sets, ink pads, markers, ribbons galore, paints, glittery stuff, brads, eyelets, rhinestones, scissors,   powders,  you name it and I’ve probably got it.  I could start my own store!  But the thing that’s bugging me is that I still want more.  I feel at times like Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!  I’m impatient, I want new toys to play with, when I don’t play nearly enough with the toys I have.  Another thing I have a ton of is books, I have read every book I have, well, not counting the Bible studies I haven’t done yet or all the translations I have of the Bible, haven’t read through all those yet.  I plan to one day, but I digress, again… When does a person simply say enough is enough and let go of that incessant need to have more things.  I so want to be there, I desire so deep within my heart and soul to just let go of my stuff and just be, just enjoy who God made me to be.  I’ve become so wrapped up in having this stuff, that I think it’s detracting from who I am.  I am becoming defined by my stuff, and I don’t want that.  So, to that end, I am on a budget for one, which I’ve never really had before when it came to those things.  I get a certain amount of money each pay period that I can use however I choose.  Secondly, I’m really becoming much more discriminating on what I buy.  I dont’ just rush out and buy the newest toy or newest Bible just because it’s new and I want it.  I am praying about what is the right thing to do.  How can I use this to further the Kingdom of God, how will this help me to grow in Christ.  If I can’t find answers that satisfy those questions, then I really don’t need it. 

I don’t know what is harder, eating healthier or trying to be more stuff healthy.  Either way, only through the Grace of God can I accomplish any of them…

in Him,

Trish

Depression is a funny thing.  Two weeks ago I was so down.  I was ready to throw in the towel, I wanted God to take me home.  I didn’t want to play this game called life anymore.  Fortunately, God has other plans.  Thanks to my hubby’s determination I saw the doc, got a med change, went about my life, one day, sometimes one minute at a time, and mostly, I prayed. 

Prayer is a funny thing.  We don’t always get immediate answers, sometimes, God doesn’t answer at all, sometimes He just quietly sits and listens, letting us find our own answers.  Other times, He gently tells us that He loves us so much, and He wants us to just let go and let Him take it all on for us.  Then again, at other times, He can be quite direct and blunt, telling us in no uncertain terms that He wants something different for us, and after all, He is God, so He knows best.  No matter how He answers though, He always loves us, of that I am absolutely certain. 

Life as a whole is a funny thing.  I think the writer of Forrest Gump said it best, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”  You don’t really.  Sometimes we think we do, we think, or at least I think, that I have it all figured out.  Things are going to happen a certain way, and then, Kaboom!!!!  The bottom falls out of my plans, or I trip and land on my face, or sometimes, it even feels like someone has kicked me in the back of the knee, causing me to fall.  The thing is though, no matter what causes me to stumble and fall, God is right there, loving me, and urging me on.

Lots of things are funny, but then again, isn’t laughter the best medicine?  Go giggle, and thank God for the gift of laughter and humor!

in Him,

Trish

Did you know that it takes exactly one tablespoon of peanut butter to get a chewed up bubblegum ball out of a 10 year old’s hair?  Did you also know that it takes approximately 3 washes using Herbal Essences Simply Straight Shampoo to get one tablespoon of peanut butter out of a 10 year old’s hair?  And that it will still smell like peanut butter, but mixed with a pleasant fruity smell?  No?  Well, I’m happy to have educated you tonight, if you did, count yourself lucky that you knew this without having to gain first hand knowledge through experience!

in Him,

Tricia