Cooled off…

So it’s cooled off here in the desert. It’s gorgeous outside, cool in the mornings, highs of mid 80’s. I’m loving it! I keep expecting it to get hot again, but I’ve been assured that this is how it will be for a while, it will only get cooler before it gets hotter again. Hooray!

B had a rough morning today. He woke up crying, missing his dad. He asked me why they couldn’t go visit him last week. There was no school last week, it was fall break. How was I supposed to answer that? How am I supposed to comfort him when he hurts over that man like that. I think the bigger problem is that he called his dad on Saturday and never got a call back. Either way, I was at a loss as to how to comfort him through this. I just hugged him tight, assured him that we loved him, and told him I didn’t know why they couldn’t go last week, that we never talked about it, which is true as far as that goes. It hurts me so much when the kids hurt over things their dad does or doesn’t do. B was still crying when they left for school. This afternoon he’s bouncing off the walls, really hard too. I don’t know if it’s related or if it’s just a mood swing. That’s the thing with this disorder, you never know if it’s the disorder or if it’s just normal kid stuff.

Another thing, A learned about the Make A Wish foundation at school today. They are collecting pennies for them. She asked me if B would be eligible for a wish since he has bipolar disorder. I don’t know the answer to that. He got all excited about the idea of it though, so I might have to look further into this. Anyone have any insight?

Happy fall!

911 what’s your emergency?

I called 911 once. I was pregnant with B, and D was probably about 8 months old. Once again, an argument had escalated. It ended up with me laying on the bed, D crying in the other room, and him choking me. I remember the feeling, not being able to get any air, thinking that this time he was going to really hurt me, the fear that perhaps I was going to die. I don’t know why he stopped, but he did. I was able to get up, but he grabbed D before I could. I just wanted to leave, and there was no way I was going to leave my baby with him after what he had just done. So I threatened, I said if he didn’t let me have D I was going to call 911. I even dialed it, but I didn’t press talk. He shoved the baby at me, I dropped the phone, grabbed the keys and ran out. I drove around aimlessly trying to figure out what to do for probably an hour. Eventually, I came to the realization, at least in my mind, that I had nowhere else to go. He was probably calmed down, I could go home now, he would be sorry and it would be ok. I was pregnant, with nowhere else to turn, so I thought. So I went back home.

He wasn’t furious anymore, but he wasn’t happy. Apparently in my haste to get out the door, in the process of dropping the phone, somehow I pressed the talk button and it called 911. He hung up, but of course, they sent out a unit anyway. He had told them that it was an accident, and that I would be back soon. They said they would come back by to check with me. When they came back by, I remember how scared I was. I didn’t want hi to get into any trouble, I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on in my house, I was so ashamed. I assured the two officers that I was ok. They stood at the door and talked to me. There was a man and a woman. I wish that they would have taken me outside to talk, where he couldn’t hear. I wonder sometimes if they really knew what happened, if they could see the fading red marks on my neck. There was nothing they could do though, I said he hadn’t hit me. They specifically asked that question, “did he hit you ma’am?” I assured them that he hadn’t and they left. I wonder though sometimes, what would have happened if I said yes, if I had told them exactly what had happened. You can’t go back and change the past, it’s over. Don’t wonder what would have happened, if you are there, don’t wonder, tell someone, before it’s too late…

Bank…

I made this cute little bank for my daughter. It is made with an empty crystal light container covered in patterned paper, then decorated with whatever you choose. I used the stamp set, “Seriously Sassy” (111056) to stamp the cute little tiara, then used glitter to make it sparkle.

psychologist…

So, we met with B’s new psychologist last week, no, the week before. Anyway, we met with him. He is awesome! I just hope B likes him too! When we mentioned the confusioin of the diagnosis, mood disorder vs bipolar, he said that it’s the same, which is what I had thought, but that many doctors still are of the opinion that bipolar disorder does not exist in children, so they wont’ use that diagnosis. Anyway, I think this Psychologist is going to be a good fit for B. )

So far school is going well for him. He’s had a couple of reports assigned now, and he’s not too crazy about that, but he’s working on it. He is doing really well in band too, much better than his mother did when she took band in 6th grade. ;o) He’s switched from the trumpet to the saxophone, and he really seems to be enjoying it. There are a couple of boys that he has made friends with, which is always hard for him, so we’re especially pleased with that. Fishing is his latest passion though. We have a catch & release pond in our community, and B would be up there every evening if he could. He fished the other night by himself for like an hour and a half, while we swam. The pool is right there near the pond thankfully. Last night Donovan took just him and he caught a good sized catfish apparently. Lost his hook though, but the fish had another hook stuck in it’s lip, so someone else had lost theirs as well. He caught some kind of fish last week that had teeth, he thinks it is a Pacu, which is related to the piranha. It amazes us how he cannot sit still for anything, but put a fishing pole in his hand and he’s good for hours it seems. ) It’s good that he’s found something he can enjoy so much!

Wow…

I’ve so been meaning to get on here and blog about our trip and everything, and just haven’t had time. I finally am making time though. )

We left San Antonio on the 2nd. Poor D woke up that morning sick. He was running a low grade fever and couldn’t hold anything down. He was like that the whole trip. I felt so bad for him. Every time he tried to eat he lost it right back up. He’d start to feel better, then kablam! The first day we made it to El Paso. Our room was really nice, although a bit cramped for all of us, but it worked and that’s what counts. The hotel had waffles for breakfast, so we all had waffles, or cereal, and then hit the road. We stopped somewhere on I-10 at “The Thing” to see what “The Thing” was. I stayed outside with D and the dog while Donovan took B & A inside. It was some sort of monkey thing from what I gather. Donovan bought me a cowboy hat while they were inside. While we were waiting there was a major accident on I-10 right in front of the exit. It was going the opposite direction, but there was a news helicopter and everything. A & I were amazed at the beauty of the desert. The rock formations we passed were just awe inspiring. When we got into the Phoenix area, A was amazed by how the freeways are “decorated” with flowers and stuff. She said at one point that she didn’t think she would like it, but that maybe she would. ;o) We got to our hotel Sunday evening about 5:00, I think. Donovan went and found an in-n-out burger for me, so we got to have our first meal here in Arizona. I think it was a hit with everyone! I took A & B swimming after dinner for a little while.

Monday morning, Donovan got up, went and got the keys to the house, and we set off. When we got here, we were all so excited! The house is everything we could have wanted it to be, and we couldn’t have found a more perfect house if we had come out here and looked in person. Awesome! That afternoon, I took A with me, and we went to register for school. I forgot something at the house, of course, but my wonderful husband brought it to me, on his way to Lowe’s. The first thing he did was buy a grill! We had steak for dinner that night. It was pretty yummy! The kids started school the next day! Here is a pic of A & D on the first day… B didn’t want his picture taken…

B had a pretty rough morning the first day. He didn’t want to stay, at all. We met with the school psychologist, and with the counselor, who really took B under her wing. He did good and continues to do so. He got to switch to band, and he’s really been excited about that. He started out the first week on the trumpet, but switched to saxophone now. A brought home a note about beginning orchestra, that meets before school, and she is really interested in that. However, she brought home a note yesterday about dance and cheer that is after school, so she is really torn now trying to decide which she wants to do more. D had basketball tryouts yesterday, well, there were supposed to be tryouts yesterday, but they had to postpone them until next Monday.

We’ve been going to the pond/park in our subdivision regularly. B is loving to fish. It amazes me, he can’t sit still for 5 minutes doing anything else, but he’ll sit there fishing for hours at a time if we’d let him. Everyone has a bike except for me, and I’ve been convinced to get one. We’ll see how that goes. But Donovan & the kids have been bike riding some nights, when we don’t go to the park. We went up to go swimming last night after dinner, but the pool was closed for maintenance. Hopefully we’ll have better luck tonight.

The house is close to being unpacked. My office is unpacked, it’s just cluttered on my desk with all the little things I have to find a home for. The kitchen was the first thing done, it looks great. My books are all unpacked also, they just need to be a little better organized imo. You know me, gotta make it just right. )

I registered to volunteer for the Women of Faith conference that is going to be here in November. I can’t wait! I’m so excited to go, but even more excited to work and hopefully help other women to enjoy the conference. ) Dawn and Marsha are supposed to be coming down to go with me, I’m hoping they can convince Cindy, Karen and Brandi to come along as well! It’ll be so good to see them again! I miss them so much!

It’s nice here, but I haven’t really had a chance to get out and meet anyone yet, so it’s kind of lonely. Hopefully we’ll make it to Church this weekend, that will help I think. I’m also looking into getting back to work with Alpine Access. If I do, that will alleviate some of the boredom, it just makes me nervous, kwim? Anyway, I hope all of you are doing well, leave me a comment and let me know you read this, ok?

Hi there…

It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve had a moment to sit down and write on here. It has been almost a month now, and wow, things sure do change!

My mom went Home to be with the Lord on April 24th. We were on our way there when I got the call. I guess God knew I couldn’t have handled being there, so He took that option away. I wish in a way that I had gotten there, but in other ways I’m glad I wasn’t there, kwim? Her funeral was Monday, the 28th. You know that saying, whatever can go wrong will go wrong, well, it almost all did. The night before the funeral, at the visitation (viewing) they were playing the wrong pictures on the screen at first, then there was no one there who could figure out how to work the computer, so the first hour there were either wrong pictures or no pictures. At the funeral there were 3 or 4 times where there was just this long awkward silence. The funeral director apparently couldn’t get the cd to play. I couldn’t believe that they hadn’t tried the cd’s before hand. It was very upsetting. Then, at one point, she stuck her head in the room and passed a note to the pastor. Talk about unprofessional. I got up at one time to go tell the manager that there was no music and everyone was just sitting there looking around at each other. It was so upsetting. Our family had enough to stress about, we weren’t supposed to have to stress about that too, but God knows what He is doing, and it all came together and it was overall a nice service. I read a poem, my cousin said a few words, and a good friend of my mom’s spoke as well. To top it all off, my step-dad’s sister had sent a plant, which did not arrive in time for the funeral. My sister called the funeral home several times asking about it, and they kept saying that they had not received it. After 2 weeks, the plant was tracked, and it was confirmed as delivered to the funeral home. *sigh* They replaced it, but not without us having to track it down and confront them with the fact that they received it and either *lost* it or did something else with it. Then, the *owner*/managing partner, asked us to please use another funeral home for our future needs. Can you imagine???

I colored my hair, and put pink streaks in it. It looked really cute! I say looked because the pink is almost all faded now. It fades really quick, but I have nice highlights where it bleached it for the pink left though. lol I don’t think I’m going to do it again, but I do have a Pampered Chef Help Whip Cancer show coming up, maybe I’ll do it for that and then be done. We shall see. If I do it again I will definitely get pictures though!

B started the partial hospitalization program on May 1st. So far he’s doing well there. Last week it was a rough week in the evenings at home, and Friday he would have gone inpatient if there would have been a bed available. There wasn’t, and we made it through the weekend. There have been some med changes for him. They took him off the lithium, and started him on Abilify as a mood stabilizer as well as starting him on Buspar for his anxiety. Just waiting to see if there is any difference or not. He’s also going to school there, which has been good for him I think. I’m hoping that he is able to finish out the school year there, as homeschooling has not been working for us the past month or two. We did the first part of his psychological testing, but he refused to cooperate when we went back to finish up on Friday. We rescheduled for this Friday coming up, the 23rd. If you have a moment, please pray that he is willing to cooperate when Friday gets here. He says that he doesn’t need or want help. We can’t do it for him, so right now our prayers are that he comes to the realization that he needs help so that he can function at a somewhat normal level, whatever normal is.

Mother’s Day weekend we went to my sister’s and that Saturday, we buried Momma’s ashes. We placed her between my grandmother and my sister’s baby she lost. I think Momma would have been happy with the small prayer ceremony we did. Nothing fancy, just our family, the Lord’s prayer, and a few words about her. What my cousin Shannon said really touched me. She spoke of a conversation she had with Momma the week before, about her faith and salvation. It was a blessing to hear the details of that from Shannon and know that she was so concerned and loved my mom enough to ask her and touch her in that way before she went Home. After the ceremony, we had a picnic on the church grounds. It was nice. I should have some pics ready to post in a day or two and I’ll get them up here for you to see. It’s really pretty out there, and the kids had a great time running around and playing.

I’ve had med changes too. The doctor took me off the Lithium as well, and put me on the Abilify to act as a mood stabilizer. It seems to be working ok. I’m still quite anxious at times, and get quite upset easily. I’ve also been a shop-a-holic a lot lately, and that is worrying me quite a bit. I’m seeing her this afternoon, so we will have a talk about that.

Oh, one other thing, I got my nose pierced yesterday!!! I had lunch with my best girlfriends to celebrate two of their birthdays and that one got an A in her last class. Afterwards, we went to the tattoo place and I got my nose pierced, one got her ear cartilage pierced and one got a tattoo priced. She didn’t go through with it though. It was so much fun just being together and having fun. Silly girly stuff, we need to do it more often girls!!!

I’ll try to post tomorrow maybe, we’ll see what all is going on and how my appt goes today!

Love ya!

Finally…

I’m finally making time to sit down, write a blog post, catch up on e-mail and try to be *normal* for a few minutes. Donovan & B are outside mowing the lawn, so it’s relatively quiet in here for a little bit. I could lay down and nap really, but I shouldn’t. Sleeping during the day is not helpful when one cannot sleep at night.

So B has been home for a week. It’s been a very up and down and all around week. It has been a good week for the most part. Sunday night was rough. There were issues with the shower, then with getting to bed. He finally fell asleep though thankfully. This week has been good, yesterday during school was an issue, he did not like one of his assignments, which led to it being torn up. He then drew a picture of him beating us up because he was angry. He didn’t want me to see it, but I told him I needed to. He asked if I was mad, and I assured him I was not mad at him, just worried. Once he calmed down, he asked for another worksheet, and completed it no problems. He didn’t want to do his math either, but eventually did that as well.

We saw the psychiatrist yesterday. No med changes at this point, but she did send us to the lab first thing this morning to have his levels checked. We go back to see her in 2 weeks (on April 9th), unless something happens and we need in sooner. She talked to him a lot about changes and him working on his behavior. He was of the mindset that he doesn’t want to work. He knows he has bipolar, and that’s all he needs to know. She voiced the concern that possibly he came home from the hospital too soon. He didn’t like that idea at all. She explained to him that if he isn’t going to do his part to try to get better, that he can go back, possibly a partial program, where he is there during the day for school and such, then home at night. The other possibility would be the residential program, where basically he would live there. He said he definitely did not want to go back, and would do his best. We told him that is all we can ask, is that he try too. Definitely a relief that he seems to understand his part in treatment and therapy.

The other thing that came out of the psychiatry appointment yesterday is an appointment with a Psychologist for Neuro-Psych testing, Praise God! We have an appointment on the 3rd of April for the consultation. She will discuss the diagnosis, visit with us and B, then determine exactly what tests she will run. Then we will actually set the appointment for the testing. She does testing on Friday mornings, so I’m hoping it won’t be too long of a wait until he gets the testing done, because there will be about 2 weeks for the test results to come back. Then we will go back to learn about the results, and what we can do to deal with that. If you are reading this, and have any suggestions about tests, please let me know!

Today we saw the counselor. We had a good session as a family, then Donovan & I went out in the waiting room while B had individual counseling. He’s really amped today. Lots of energy and excitement. When we were talking to the counselor, he couldn’t sit still. Kept getting toys off the shelf, or bouncing a ball around the room. It was like he was one of those wind up toys, he just kept going on and on and on. He’s outside working off some energy right now though.

Everything else is going ok. It’s an adjustment for all of us. We’ve discussed the disorder with A & D. They don’t really understand fully though what it means, and I think it’s going to be harder on them than any of us realized. While Donovan & I are having to adjust our parenting style to suit B’s needs, D & A don’t understand. They have both voiced the opinion that we are treating B differently than them, and they feel insecure. Again, one of those things that just take adjustment and time to get used to. We just keep having to reassure them that we love all 3 of them the same, but that B has needs that are different from theirs, and we all have to work together to help him. It’s a long road ahead of us.

God will lead us through I know, and we’ll all come out stronger in the end….

Still waiting…

Thank you everyone who is praying for us, it is working…

For those of you who don’t know all the details, we took B Monday night to a psychiatric treatment center. He started the night off good, but after his shower, he “fell” down the stairs, intentionally. On his way down, he knocked A out of the way, and fortunately she didn’t fall, just hit the wall and bruised her finger. After that, he became very aggressive, hitting, kicking, saying hateful things. At one point, he did calm down, and was saying that he did not like feeling that way, and did not want to really hurt us, but felt like someone else was making him do and say these things. We tried to get him upstairs to his room, but he became agitated again and had to be carried upstairs. He was very angry at that, and could not be calmed down at that point. We made the decision to call the hospital, they had a bed available, and recommended bringing him in based on the behaviors we were describing. He did not want to go. When Donovan left to take the other two children to a friend’s so we could take B to the hospital, he was adamant that he was not going. We, I say we it was actually Donovan, carried him out of his room, down the stairs, and to the car. B was not happy. He fought all the way, threatening us and himself, throwing things in the car. He finally calmed down, but when we got to the hospital, he got wound back up, and had to be carried in and restrained. They finally got him to calm down, thankfully without having to give him anything. He has been there since then. He will be in the hospital until early in the week at least. The psychiatrist has ordered psychological testing, which should be done today or tomorrow (we were hoping for sooner, but there were insurance problems). Right now I’m praying that we will get results before he is discharged. Thus far there have not been any medication changes, and the diagnosis is still Mood Disorder NOS and Anxiety Disorder NOS. We are praying that the psych testing will reveal a more specific diagnosis, which will give us a better idea of where to go with treatment. He has had one episode there at the hospital, which has not happened with any of his prior hospitalizations. This gives them a more clear picture of what his symptoms and behaviors are, and that will help to determine a better diagnosis and treatment plan. Again, right now, we are just in a holding pattern, trying to figure out which way to go with this, and what will help him the most.

D & A are doing OK with all this. They are worried about B of course. A is upset because being 9 years old, she cannot go onto the unit with B to visit him, and he cannot come outside yet. Yesterday she got to see him through the window and wave, blow kisses, and tell him she loves him in sign language. That made her feel better. We are trying to keep things as normal as possible for them, and thanks to all our wonderful friends for helping us to do that! I don’t know how we would be getting through this without you all!

Just keep praying, it is all in God’s hands, and He will get us through this and use it for good according to His will…

Thank you again for your prayers and well wishes.

Halloween…

I’ve got more pics, but here’s just a quick snap of the kiddos just before we left for the Harvest Festival. Our church puts it on each year on Halloween night. Lots of games, candy, fun, and it’s all free & safe. B was a mime, as you can probably tell. A was all pink & black. She was a *Halloween Princess*. You can’t see them in this pic, but she had fluorescent pink & black striped tights under her skirt. She also had pink & black false eyelashes, very glam! She put her tiara on as well. D was just D, but with spikey purple & green hair. They had a blast!!! )

Hottie…

An interesting conversation this evening. A told me that while she was walking to her friend’s house this afternoon, some of B’s friends were out playing, and they called her “hottie”. She didn’t know what it meant. How do you explain that to an 8 year old? I just told her it was like saying she was pretty. D was not amused. He said, “I don’t want A going outside if B’s friends are going to say that to her. She’s to young for a love affair!” It was kind of neat to see him get so defensive of his little sister. I explained to him that someone saying that wasn’t a love affair, and that we can’t lock her in the house, no matter how much we might like to. B was concerned as well, but not quite as vocal as D was. He wanted to know who, and that was it. You could tell by the look on his face though that he was not amused. Of course, this led to discussions with all three of them about treating people with respect, and honor. Not quite sure what to do though, if anything. While I don’t think it’s a good idea to go charging out after a bunch of 10year olds, I do think that they need to understand that saying something like that could be disrespectful in a way. Hmmm, something to ponder and pray over.

In other news, B had his first guitar lesson tonight. It went very well. He LOVED it! When I got back to pick him up, he was telling me that he learned a song! The theme song from Jaws! I can’t wait to hear it tomorrow. He wasn’t able to play it for me this evening because by the time we got home it was a quick shower, re-bandage his arm, and off to bed. We had to make a stop at Family Christian Store on the way home. Bryan got a new guitar pick…

On that note, I’m going to go read another couple of chapters of my new book.