Sssshhh!

Quiet time, do you make time for it?  I try, but I have to confess I’m not very good at it.  I want to, but *something* always seems to get in the way.  I need to be more disciplined.  God tells us to have quiet time, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”  Psalm 46:10  This is when I get refreshed, rejuvenated, feel drawn in and so close to God, when I get still, quiet, worshipful, and exalt Him.  The feeling of being on your face before the Lord in worship is indescribable.  I want that feeling all the time.  So then why do I let those *somethings* get in the way you ask?  Laziness, fear, business, pride, all of this and so much more.  It all comes down to the enemy though.  He wants to keep me from having that time.  He wants to keep me from worshipping my creator, sustainer, counselor, deliverer, my best friend.  If Satan can keep one Christian from their quiet time, with whatever excuse he provides and uses, then he will grab onto that and hold on for dear life.  I have strongholds, I know this.  I am not perfect, I don’t think I’m a good Christian, I don’t think anyone can claim that title, because we are all sinners and all fall short of perfection.  What I also know is that God wants to deliver me from those strongholds, if I will just do my part.  I have to fight against the enemy with all I have and all I am.  I have to put on the full armor of God as Paul says in Ephesians 6:11.  I must put on my armor, which I hope is pink and sparkly ;o), and fight against everything that would draw me away from my time with my Lord.  Can you do it too?  Can you take up your armor, whatever color yours is, and fight against the enemy and his forces?  I think you can, I will be praying for you, and with you…

in Him,

Tricia

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Not sure…

Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior & my God. Psalm 42:5

Not sure what to write about tonight.  I could pick any one of several topics, and have even had a couple suggested to me, but I just can’t get my head around that right now.  I’m getting that panicky antsy feeling again.  The new medication is helping, but it’s not cutting all the irritability.  I just want to go to bed and sleep.  I haven’t felt this way all day, it’s snuck up on me really quickly tonight. 

I was ok earlier, I’ve been unmounting stamps all day, and have gotten quite a few done, 26 sets unmounted and stored.  Who knows how many more to go!  I’ve discovered that the easiest way to get the rubber off the foam is to put them in the freezer for about 20 minutes.  I read that in a post on Splitcoast Stampers, but I don’t remember the poster.  If it was you, thank you thank you thank you!  It has been so much easier than trying to microwave them!  Here is a quick picture of what my new storage system will be…

Unmounted storage basket - 26 sets in there!

Unmounted storage basket - 26 sets in there!

All of a sudden though, I just started feeling really blah.  That’s the only way I know how to describe it, just blah.  Then irritability set in.  Once I realized what was happening, I had a mini panic attack.  Took an anxiety pill and I’m ok now, just feel tired.  Part of that is probably from the medication, the other part is probably because I’ve been up all day, and I mean since like 6:00 am.  I guess I’m just so worried about the possibility of a recurrence of what happened last month that it’s making me more anxious. 

B got a guitar today.  We are borrowing an acoustic from Donovan’s little sister for him to learn on for a bit, and once he’s had some lessons and is doing good, we are going to move to an electric.  Starting with baby steps though.  He’s over the moon excited about having one.  He had lessons a couple of years ago and didn’t last very long.  He says this time is different though because he wants to take the lessons, last time he just wanted to make someone else happy.  We shall see how long it lasts this time.

Bible study is tomorrow.  That will be so good.  I love the group of women that the Lord has put in my life.  They have been such a lifeline for me the past few months, it’s unreal.  I so look forward to each time we meet.  We are studying the Gospel of John this time, an inductive study, and I’m so looking forward to it.  I love getting into the Word, each time I read something I get a new message from God about what He is trying to tell me and teach me.  God’s Word is so alive.  I love doing topical studies, don’t get me wrong, but as someone once said to me, there is nothing like getting into the Word itself, not depending on what a teacher has written about and what they got from the Word, but totally depending on the Holy Spirit to move you and reveal God’s purpose for that verse at that particular time in your life.

I posted a verse at the top, which totally explains how I am feeling right now.  Downcast and worried.  I know though that I need to put my hope in God, for He is the One who can make it all better.  Praises to You Father for that!

in Him,

Trish

What was she thinking…

So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord call David’s enemies to account.”  And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself. – 1 Samuel 20:16-17

God has given me the most wonderful gifts of friends.  I am truly blessed!  My first and foremost bff is Jesus.  He is my all in all, my everything and the one I can turn to for anything.  Secondly I have my husband, who is truly the most important person in my life.  I know that I can tell Donovan anything and he loves me so much in spite of my human-ness.  Thirdly though, I have my “Lucy”, aka Dawn.

Dawn and I met at church.  We were in the same Sunday school class about 3 or 4 years ago.  I don’t know exactly when, so much has happened and time flies so fast!  She has 6 darling little girls, my one daughter is right in the middle of them.  Two of her girls are my A’s bff’s according to her.  We have so much in common.  She can talk to me on the phone and brighten my day, she can text me or im me and it’s like the clouds have lifted and it’s bright and sunny, it’s truly a blessing from God to have her in my life.

We weren’t always this close.  That happened about a year and a half, maybe two years ago.  You see, I almost blew it.  I had another friend, at least I thought she was a friend.  She had some problems that no one was aware of, including a drug problem, but we’ll get to that.  This other friend used me, and lied to me, and told me some horrible things about Dawn, and to my shame, I believed her.  So when money started coming up missing during our stampin’ events, I was conditioned to blame Dawn.  I even spoke to our pastor about it, not knowing what to do, Dawn is my Stampin’ Up! downline, and I felt responsible.  I couldn’t imagine this other person being the one to take the money, after all, she was at my house all the time, she watched my children during the summer, I couldn’t fathom how someone I trusted so explicitly would be that kind of person.  I guess I always had my doubts about her, but being the trusting person I am, I just couldn’t imagine her doing it.  It wasn’t until a blatant mistake on her part that I actually believed that she had done it.  It took two other friends confronting me to make me realize that it was this other person, this so called friend, this woman that I had trusted who was stealing from our customers and other demos.  I was devastated, ashamed, remorseful, and so very hurt.  I had believed her lies, I had trusted her, and worst of all, I had taken what she had told me, and unwittingly spread false rumors about another person, who was completely innocent, my Lucy.  You see, I had talked to friends about what I thought was happening, and of course, even though you ask them to keep it in confidence, it gets talked about and spread around, we are human, that’s what we do.  I was devastated by this.  Dawn never waivered.  She never said anything negative to me, she never even acknowledged if she kenw it was me.  The Spirit really worked on my heart during this time, and I felt compelled to apologize to Dawn for what I had said and done, and the part I had played in this whole drama.  It was at a jewelry party that I found the nerve to speak to her about it.  I tried so hard not to cry, I wanted to be strong, but I believe that some tears slipped through.  I just told her how sorry I was for what I had said and done, for believing this other person, and for any hurt I had caused her and her family.  Being the beautiful woman of Christ that she is, she simply hugged me and said she forgave me.  What???  I was so moved, still am really.  I am awed by her beautiful spirit.  I was forgiven, truly in the spirit of  love and of Christ.  It took me a while to accept that forgiveness, I couldn’t fathom how she could just say she let it go, and really let it go.  People don’t do that, people don’t really forgive and forget, that’s a God thing.  But she did, she did.

Dawn has watched my children, she has come to my aid in the middle of the night when I was having anxiety attacks, she has visited me in the hospital in my darkest hours, she has held me as I cried and wanted to run away from my life, she has convinced me that I am worth the life God has given me.  We’ve laughed together, cried together, really really lived as friends.  She is my Jonathan, she is my *bff*, she is my angel here on earth, she is one of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me.  She has shown me the true meaning of grace, love, friendship, and honesty.  I know that I can call her at anytime, and she will be there for me, in spirit if she isn’t able to be here physically.  Our friendship has survived me moving across the country, it has survived so much, I know that we will be the little old ladies at a Women of Faith event bouncing up and down and praising Jesus for what wonderful lives we’ve lived and the friendship He has gifted us with in each other. 

We’ve never spoken a covenant with each other, never made an oath or any such thing.  We’re not blood sisters or any of that stuff from jr. high and high school, but I know that there is a covenant between us, stronger than blood, it is a covenant of friendship that is based on our love for Christ, and what He has done for us.  What could be better than that?

in Him,

Trish aka “Ethel”

Oh, why Lucy and Ethel you ask?  Well, when Dawn signed up as my Stampin’ Up! downline, her hubby said we were like Lucy and Ethel, always coming up with one scheme or another.  ;o)  It stuck, what can I say, I’ll always be the Ethel to her Lucy, and she’ll always be the Lucy to my Ethel.  It’s just how we roll!  ;o)

Lucy & Ethel

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Hmmm…

You know that e-mail from God post the other day? Well, this is what I got from KLove this morning…

Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.Romans 12:12, NLT

When I get an e-mail from God…

I really believe that I do sometimes. I think that He just happens to use someone elses computer and actual e-mail address, but I know that it’s from Him.

Today has been a rough day. Several times today, I’ve asked Donovan why. Why am I feeling like this? Why are we going through this? Why why why. I know that God has a plan, but sometimes, it’s hard to get my head around the fact that what I’m feeling and how I’m hurting, could possibly be good in any way. Then, I get an e-mail from God answering my question…

I’m an e-mail devotional-a-holic. I subscribe to several different daily devotionals, scriptures, etc. This evening, I got one from www.maxlucado.com that was an excerpt of his book, “On the Anvil”. I’ve never read this book, but the portion that I received was a description of how a blacksmith shapes metal. The process of it, what it sounds like, looks like, it almost gives feelings to the iron as it’s hammered and heated and shaped and molded. Then, it comes out, just how the blacksmith wants it, shaped just perfectly for the job the blacksmith has in mind for it. Then it gave this scripture…

“For a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
I Peter 1:6-7

Yes, God definitely sends e-mail…

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Forgiveness…

My wonderful cousin has been posting selections from her daily Bible reading as bulletins on myspace. This was her offering today. It really struck a chord in my spirit…

Colossians 3:12-15 (New Living Translation)

12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

If you are one of my good friends, you know how I have been struggling, for quite some time now, with forgiveness. I think it’s something that as humans, we all struggle with. Why should I forgive someone who hurt me? Especially when it was intentional, or malicious. Especially if it’s someone who is supposed to care for me, or especially if it is someone who doesn’t know me at all. These verses though, they sum it all up so simply. We must forgive, because we are forgiven, we must love and live in peace, no matter how they have hurt us. We must also be thankful, even for those hurts, those things and people who crushed us, so bad. Those things are what made us who we are. The things I have gone through, the things that my family will struggle with going forward with B’s disorder, I need to be thankful for it. Even though it seems horrible, and painful. It is making us grow closer and closer to God day by day. I am having to learn to rely on His mercy, healing, love and forgiveness to hold me up. Each morning as I wake up, I need to stop thinking of all the bad things, and focus instead on what is good. Letting go of the past. I cannot change it.

So, that said, I forgive you. You know who you are, and you know what you have done. I forgive you for the pain you brought me. I forgive you for not loving me how God wanted me to be loved. I forgive you for so much. I let go of injustices, whether real or perceived. I am letting go of anger and desire for justice. I give it to God, and will let Him deal with it. I think I am probably going to have to say this daily for a while, but that’s ok too. I am human, and I need to remember that as well. I strive to be like Christ, but I cannot be Him. I will let go daily of my despair and hurt. I will daily give it over to my Lord and let Him take care of it for me.

One last thing, if I have caused you pain, I ask that you forgive me also. Remembering that we are all human, and all make mistakes.

in Him,
Trish